The Move – the reason why and the experience almost a year later!!
I’ve been asked by many of my friends both from up north and new ones here in the south as to why I made the move that I did from the big city of NYC to Houston Texas and I thought I knew the answer but it turns out the answer I was providing might have not been the true reason. No!! I didn’t lie! I guess I just didn’t really know why until now.
So, I’m going to tell my story from the time I decided to make a change till the present time. I hope it doesn’t get to boring. I’ll be raw, open and completely honest. So people may be hurt by what I write but at this point I really don’t care anymore. The armor I normally wear has been completely torn apart from so much damage from others and myself. What I mean about me causing damage to my own armor is, I’ve used myself to protect others by deflecting and putting myself in the middle or mediator position to spare the feelings of others and to maintain some kind of peace.
I feel as though the reason I was placed on this earth was to help others. I’ve always been the one that people came to when they needed to vent, a shoulder to lean on, or financial and even mental help. I’ve opened my home to many and provided starting points or even restart points for a lot of people. I don’t regret ever doing so, if anything I feel I’ve been blessed in other ways because I did so. Now it’s me time….at least I thought it was.
Everyone knew that I’ve always wanted to move out of New York City…wasn’t sure to where but I just wanted to live somewhere different.
So in August of 2008 I took a week off and came down to Houston with some friends. This was my fifth time I was down in Houston and had a great time. We visited several places spent time in the pool, waited in line at the Alamo to see the basement (inside joke).
Towards the last two days of our trip I was sitting on the balcony staring at the pool and listening to the faux waterfall and started drifting into this funk and it wasn’t a “Vacation is over” kind of funk. It was more like “I really don’t want to go back to New York I need a change, I don’t want to go home.” Those are the words that I utter out of my mouth and at the time I didn’t realize I said it loud enough that my godfather heard them. He turned around and said “if you don’t want to go home then you have a problem maybe its time for a change.”
That sparked a chain of events in my head. The subconscious planning started! That’s one thing about Virgos they tend to plan and analyze things quickly. In a matter of an hour I had quietly planned out my move including the timing, where I would be staying and the steps I needed to take that were work related. There were a few things that needed to happen before I took the move.
When I returned home from the trip it felt like everything was falling into place immediately and I mean immediately. The day I got home from the airport my phone rang and it was Mom. “Are you home I’m on Graham Avenue and want to swing by?” my reply “Ah, yes”. So mom came by which is rare. That afternoon we talked and I explained my plans. Told her what I was planning and what I wanted, what I was feeling. Like the wonderful mom that she is, she gave her blessings and told me to basically do me. Do whatever it is that makes you happy!
Next was to have the income and work situation all settled and organized. So the next day after talking to Mom I went to work had a hell of a conversation and negotiation with my boss. We struck a better deal then expected. I would continue to work for the company; I would fly up to NY on my own dime for my existing clients, (fine by me, good tax deduction when your 1099). When I came to any new clients my travel would be worked into my fee. I would continue to support the current remote clients as I have been. In addition he would sublet my Brooklyn apartment for the remainder of the lease and it would be used as a corporate apartment.
“Holy Shit this seems to good to be true” is what went through my head. Plus I would get first dibs on the apartment whenever I was in town!!! SWEET. Number two down.
So those who know me know the way I think or at least I hope you do. I always think the glass is half empty on certain things and half full with others. In this case I’m saying things are going to good to be true and something is going to kill. WELL GUESS WHAT….three down. Spiritually it was a go. Go figure.
Within a week I had setup the movers, setup the insurance changes, setup the apartment for sublease, threw out a ton of garbage and started the packing process.
Time flew by I spoke to my friends and family and let them know that I was planning to make a move. There were shocks, emotional moments, and the “Why Houston?”.
Why Houston?
The thought process for me moving and the reasons why I thought were strange for some but made sense to me at the time. My thinking was that it would be different. Plus side were the flat roads, affordability, cheap flights to NY and lots of them, centralized so I can drive east or west in equal distant (everyone knows how much I love to be behind the wheel), familiar and at the time fun!!
Moving Day
So, October 31, 2008 was the fixed move date. I called Flat Rate (www.flatrate.com) movers made the arrangements and they came in during the week before the departure date and picked up the bulk items.
NOTE: I highly recommend Flat Rate…I didn’t have them do my packing but next time I do a major move am sure going to ask them too.
On Halloween I noticed that I didn’t have enough room for all my remaining items. I ended up leaving some things behind. I went out and looked for a roof rack for my car and had it installed then went on we loaded up my car to the brim installed a roof rack and stacked that up as well. WOW I didn’t know I had some much shit.
The drive down was long, uneventful and pretty lack luster on the scenery side but the conversation and music was good. My friend from Texas actually flew to accompany and share the driving time. MUCH MUCH appreciated.
Arriving in Texas
When I arrived in Houston and reached the storage facility where I reserved a spot for my things. I experienced my first real right wing conservative conversation with the couple that managed the storage facility. If you note the day I moved it was right before Election Day, so you can just imagine what the experience was about. If you want to know more details about the conversation feel free to email me and I’ll tell the funny story. At least I think it was funny.
My New Temporary Home
Friends invited me into their home with open arms and I appreciated that fact. Still do and always will. They provided me with a place to stay while I settled into being in a new town.
The Routine Begins
I would awake in the morning with them as they went off to work, often times passing right back out because my friends early morning jobs. One was in scaffolding and it was a damn 4:30 AM wake up call and since I was crashing with him in his room I was the second alarm that would wake him up in the event he tried to sleep through the first. It was fun for a while and then there was the third awakening which was my other friend leaving for work at 6:00 –6:30 AM. There were often times that I would snore through her leaving, except on Wednesdays, this was early morning conference call day.
As Time Goes On
All was going well for a couple of weeks and then I discovered that the happy go lucky atmosphere in the apartment was an illusion of some sort. I began notice the tension between the roommates. They would often get into spats and I would attempt to mediate and bring the peace. Only to come loosing at end. (I was always warned never to deal in threes, but I thought since these were folks I knew and trusted that it wouldn’t be an issue. Turns out I was wrong.)
Every time these two would get into there tit for tat and huffing and puffing and chesting popping to prove who was right or who was wrong I tried to help I would get the short end of the stick and it made me feel uncomfortable. It was at the point where I would try to ignore it. Then there was an incident where I snapped and at this point something told me “GET OUT NOW”. So I moved up my schedule at finding my own place. Yea, yea I know I should have done it from the beginning I know “But ju see what but what had happen was”……at the time when I was there I was in a good financial place and I offered up this option.
The Option
I made a proposition. I would put a down payment on a big enough house for all of us to live in big so that we weren’t on top of each other. We would all split the monthly bills including the mortgage evenly. Once the market picked up we could sell the house. When we sold I would recover my down payment and then we would all split the profit. By the time this happened we would all have had time to save money for our own homes and this money made from the sale would also help. That idea went in one ear and out the other.
Let just say I’m glad we didn’t go that route because with everything that transpired next it was just insanity.
My New Apartment in Houston Texas
So I found an apartment about three and half miles from them so I wouldn’t be totally isolated but will be far enough to be away from everything to enjoy me time. This was the real start of me building my new life. I started making new friends and trying to build new relationships. Yet I found myself being pulled into games, gossip and controversy of others even when I sat at home on my own. Shit was going through more B/S down here then up north. So I did what I needed to ignore everything and go on about my business.
The Downward Spiral
Sitting pretty in my new apartment things just began to slowly fall apart. The economic situation that started a month before moving into my apartment hit me hard. My billing rates were cut by 10%, projects that I was slotted for that were 6 months out just dried up, clients started canceling projects. Work was just disappearing.
This is when the stress levels began, the savings dwindled and it just started getting worst and worst. I began full force looking for work locally sending out 10 to 15 emails/postings/resumes out a day and was getting no response. I one point I got acquainted with a local recruiter for engineering firms on a social networking site. He reviewed my resume and at the end I had three versions, none of which returned and hits.
A Brief Bright Moment
My annual faith celebration came and I had the highlight of my time here in Houston so far my BFF from NY came to visit and we had a great time she saved me from myself for about two weeks and it was great. We did so much while she was here. Went to New Orleans for the day it was just awesome. I got so dark from spending time at the pool. It was just a blast. Her leaving hit me hard, I couldn’t even walk her into the airport. It was drop and roll moment at the airport. I opened the door pushed her out she dropped and rolled into the airport. We couldn’t look at each other if we would have we would have both been balling. We just love each other and always want the best for each other.
The Downward Spiral – Part II
Well after her visit my medical problems started. Started with the High Blood Pressure, then the abdominal pains. Lord the trying to find a doctor that was affordable was nuts. Finally a friend that I met from Pasadena told me about his doctor. I called his doctor and made an appointment and as it turns out he’s pretty damn cool. He works with the self-insured (a.k.a. uninsured.). So after my visit to the doctor cam the seven hundred dollars in blood work, five hundred dollar CT SCAN, chest x-rays and EKG. Along with the Beta-blockers!!! I actually got my friend that I use to room with come with me because I was feeling so bad that I couldn’t even see myself driving.
The Beta Blockers and Mom’s Visit
Son of a Bitch never again!!! They blocked me alright almost to the point of death if you ask me. The Blocker slowed my heart rate down to about 64 bpms. I couldn’t eat I couldn’t get up I was having suicidal thoughts and all this while my mom was visiting. The only thing I could do was sleep and not move. I tried my best to motivate myself so that I could at least drive her around and show her some sites but it just wasn’t happening. I felt so bad that she didn’t get a chance to really enough her visit. All she did was worry about me. I went to the doctor and I explained to him what was happening and he claimed that I just needed to get adjusted to the medication and that he things we should actually up the dosage because my blood pressure wasn’t dropping. I like an idiot thinking he’s the expert continued on with the meds. Toprol SUCKS!
Well after trying the higher dosage for another few days my mom and my friend Daisy finally convinced me to stop taking the beta-blocker. Physically I was feeling worst. So I stopped the meds and over night I was feeling 100% better.
So the next day I went back to the doctor and explained to him what was going on and that I refused to take the beta-blocker. He changed the meds to an A-Inhibitor, which made a huge difference and he gave me two weeks worth of samples. I finally was feeling better and was back to normal and then mom left and wow that was another hit to the emotions.
Finally Work
Ok so now the meds are working and doing what they are suppose to do I’m feeling good now all I need is some work I’m getting desperate and will take anything.
Through word of mouth I come across this temp position and I just grab. I told you I was desperate. Its nothing close to what I was doing and have experience doing. It’s not along my career path and the salary is something that I earned when I was just out two years out of High School in NY. But guess what I’m working. I’m emotionally stable.
Music and Dance - It’s Important
Not only is working stabilizing my emotions and life…I’ve been going back to one of the things in life that keeps me going and that’s music. Try to listen to it as much as possible and I’ve even gone back to my routine of listening to my favorite morning talk show on Satellite Radio. Larry and Keith just always manage to put a smile on my face in the morning and sometimes make me look like a nut case when I’m laughing like a mad man in my car by myself listening to the show or bursting out in laughter in an office where everyone is super quiet with their heads down. I’ve been labeled the Looney one in the office.
A Sad Moment
While I was going through my own personal drama, it took a back seat for a little while. A very dear and close friend of mine called me during my mom’s visit to tell me his mother had passed. There was nothing I could do to comfort him but to listen and tell him that his mom loved him and that no matter what she will always be around. He and his family had a memorial for his mother, which was truly something special. Amazing things were said, tears were shed and reconnections were made. It was just beautiful. I told Josh that even though I never got to meet his mom she left me the best gift anyone could. She left me him!!! His friendship is dear to me and I treasure every moment of it. I can’t wait for him to move back to Texas or anywhere that’s he’s just a few minutes away.
Another Health Issue
WTF!!! I can’t catch a break for a hot minute. Now my stomach pains are back. I have issues going on and I need another slew of test to figure out what’s going on with my GI tract. I’ve had these incredibly painful episodes and the doctors are afraid that I may have something serious going on. The waiting game begins. In positive note I’m still working and my blood pressure is doing well.
The answer to the question – Why the move?
I really don’t have an answer. What I can tell you is that I’ve learned that being away from your family and friends really sucks. You often wonder what would happen if something happens to you here. How would they know if something is wrong? Would they care? What if I have an accident? Who would take care of me? How would my mom know? All these things have been running through my head.
It’s truly an eye opening experience to be sick in a place that you really don’t have anyone super close. I have made friends here but they all have there own lives and their own dramas. I’m the new kid on the block here. Who really gives a shit, you know?
I was hoping for a fresh new stress free start and it’s been the opposite. So I guess I’m still looking for the answer as to Why the move? I also have new questions?
Was it the right time? Was it the right move? Did I make a mistake? Was it just a learning experienced I needed to go through? Is this my final destination? Should I try the west coast next? Am I getting to old to jump around so much? What the hell have I accomplished in my life? Have I made a difference?
It's nuts isn't it.
Disclaimer: I’ve jumped around on this and there are complete sections missing that I can fill another 10 pages with. But I have to tell you I didn’t’ want to bore you as much as I already had.
  |
